Sunday, July 6, 2008

Alone Among the Crowd

This is dedicated to my friend, whose B’day on 29th June and to my brother, who are away from me and Alone...

Dear JY,

(Around me, thousands of people.....Out of them, a few know me, I am laughing and crying with them...They are my companions.. .But truly telling..... Truly telling ....I am Alone.... I am Alone...Alone among the Crowd....)

On all days of my fever, I had being lying near to my mother to get some parental touch...In the midnights usually I woke up and came to know that she was not near to me in the bed...I opened my small mouth and would make a big roar.. ” Ammo...Ammo” ...She would come and lie near to me and used to sing the Lullaby...Va Va Vo.....Kunju Va.Vaa..Vo.. ..Ente Kunju..Urangikko....In the deep comfort..I was slipping to my sleep...

If I’m saying literally... I have been out from my family for the last eight years...Upto my PDC’s Me and my brother were walking in the shadows of each other... After My Arts college life, It was tragedy that our career path were in two directions.. .For me It’s just like half paralysed..Its bad symptoms followed me as a ‘vethalam’ in my 1 & 2’s...But any way, time recovered me from the ‘paralytic fever’...I enjoyed the good time with my friends and my professors there ...

But the imp of solitude again caught me after four years, when I passed out, No one around me...The one who knows me didn’t call me...My friends were too busy to call me on those days...I felt I was not important at all to anyone in the world....I had to suffer for my livelihood.. ..I had to work alone for my well being...I had to pray alone for my securities.. ..I had to inspire myself to try one more time...I had to find jokes to laugh...I had to earn alone for my food... In the thunderstorms of the seasons, I fearfully lied on my bed....In heavy monsoons.... i stopped walking in the rain.... In the nights, I washed my pillow with my tears....I kept my bible near to my bed...While sleeping, I kept IT on my chest...I don’t know from where that cool breeze came and touched my heart....When I opened my eyes in the Morning...It was still on my chest....I turned the Pages.....It had written like this.....The Lord is my shepherd...I closed my eyes to meditate the beauty of the verse...But in the darkness of loneliness.. .the beauty didn’t enlighten my mind...

But In my solitudes... God revealed me the beauty of relations... No one else in the world except your blood relations won’t be at your side...He deepens the meaning of the Words Love, Hope and faith...With which I can live by...

My Consolations
1) In my lonely seasons....I used to remember The Story of Joseph in the Old Testament... . One of the most beautiful biographical literatures written ever....
The Book of Genesis Chapter 37:1- ..Jacob had twelve sons...(The sons of Rachel ,Joseph and Benjamin.... ) Jacob(Israel) loved Joseph more than any of his other sons....Brothers hated him and could not speak a kind word to him.......
Brothers planned to kill him...but they sold him for twenty Ishmaelite.. ..Merchants sold him in Egypt to potiphar...But the Bible says...Lord is with Him...and he prospered... .
(In his Solitudes, In his temptations, At the time of imprisonment, in his dreams, in his duties and responsibilities in the prison....At the time of interpretation of the dreams, When he became the charge of all Egypt....) All the time, Lord is with him..Lord followed him where ever he went...At the end what a beautiful forgiving statement...” “I am your brother Joseph, The one you sold in to Egypt....Do not be distressed or angry with yourself for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you.
Joseph was not Alone in Egypt....Lord is with him.....
In my aloneness Joseph’s story enlighten me that Subin, you are not alone....I’m with you!
2)Story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego(Daniel Chap:3 verse 16-)
He(Nebuchadnezzar) said Look I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed and the fourth looks like a son of Gods!..In our sufferings.. ..He is at our side!
When the Western winds had blown and shattered the green leaves of my joy.... When the thunder storms uprooted the trunk of my faith....When the evil darkness tempting my solitudes
I cried out like a child...My Lord My Lord....You know what He is doing at that time!
He is singing the same lullaby which my mother used to sing... “VavaVo.....Kunju Va.Vaa..Vo.. ..Ente Kunje..Urangikko. ..”.In the deep comfort..I am slipping to my sleep...

Ennu Snehapoorvam

(Amma)Theresa paranjathu.. ...
The Most terrible poverty is Loneliness and feeling of Unwanted...We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty

Unnikale oru katha parayaam

Hush now baby don't you cryRest your wings my butterflyPeace will come to you in timeAnd I will sing this lullaby
' lullaby'
Josh Groban

Dear Jy

We had one personality development program in the year 2001 Feb…. conducted by N.S.S ….My first exposure to such a program… Very funny and informative one…Around 60 participants… Most of them were 2002 Passout Girls… (One of the Best batches in the History of MACE;. Gave their presence in each and every corner of MACian life…Rotract, ISTE, IEEE, JY, Politics,N.S. S,Arts festivals ….every where…)…In that program there was a session called Self Introductory ….One among us was introducing….
I am Nithi Rani(JY 2002)…Coming from…. studying…in….ending like this…
My weakness is…I cannot make a friendship in a short time…,but if I make it, it will be forever"…
My number also came….Bla ..Bla….ending like this….
My weakness is …Short tempered (Kopi)… …
]Pinne Njan ‘Chullan’ annenu oru Ahamkaaram"…
In the tea break…2002 Girls caught me…
"Ah Thaan Sureshgopi aano Munkopi aakan…‘Chullan’ aanennullathu Ahamkaaram alla ,Thettu dhaarana Mathram"…
a small ragging from them…One among them is Nidhi chechi…The only Nithi yan memory …My Treasure

Later I came to know that she was taking Tuition for Orphans…and that gave a great impression on us …Thus we came in romance with children….I don’t know, when we went to the Orphanage( Near Valiyapalli)… for the first time..
Later a number of times we got the chance to visit them…to warm them…One Rev.Achan and His Kochamma are taking care of them….Usually the Kids were doing something for us…Like Small skits…Mimicry… singing songs….All the time,when we returned…… I felt……Really, they were warming us by their innocence & presence…

In 2003 ,we had one South Indian Study Tour…..Me & All my friends…were very busy with the tour schedule durin our Sem exam ……sitin..thinkin… …planning..Studyin… . routin…all about Tour..not about xams…One Proposal came…Dec last week ,we would be there in Bangalore…On that New Year eve ,Must do something different…..Allen was suggestin, Shall we have one Orphanage Visit….Widely accepted…I called jaison Achen(He was in Dharmaraam at that time)….He told ,No worry I will take care…He asked How many are you…. Told …40

Dec 31st…..time was around….05:30pm, All minds were roamin in & around Brigade and MG….All roads were leading to Brigade 4 celebration…. Except one person, nobody were interested for the orphanage visit….Sorry, Ah Nanma ullavan njaan Alla….Mahesj. V.J( Now in U.S for Onsite)…When we returned back to accommodation. .Jaison Achen was waiting for us… Me(With no interest),Mahesh, Achen&His Friend…Went to the destination…St. Josephs Orphanage……bought one Big cake…Got a warm welcome from Sister(from Mangalore) and the Kids….spend nearly two hours with them…Full of fun & colors inside that Home ,Kids were teachin us "How to write Kannada Alphabets … " They were telling "Hegg diya" means ‘How are u’

I couldn’t even number it…. how many kisses they gave… All kids were surrounding us…Playing……We were suffocating with Love & Life…I was understandin "Love and caring are something beyond language" ….Thaare zameen par..Every child is very special.....Very difficult to tell Bye Bye to that kids…On that day I stayed back in the Hotel itself… "What else is a Celebration… "

Ennu Snehapoorvam
Subin Mathew

When I was studying in 5 Std….Class il Bhayangara Behalam…Malayalam Sir Varunnu….paadunnu… .

"Angana thaimaavil ninnu athyathe pazham veezke
Amma than Nethrathil ninnu uthirnnu chudukanneer

After the song….Pindrop( Dead) silence…. couldn’t resist the cry….All were weeping…….Engaladikal… .. He left…..(tragedy) ..Later crying decibel is more than Noise decibel!!

Whenever there was Noise..He came…& same Ganamela Aarambikkum! !

Baiju parayunnapole… Njangalle ingane ittu karayippikkathe saaaaraeee

From & To..All about Letters

To Mrs. JamesonBagni di Lucca: October 1, [1849].

"There seems to be a fatality about our letters, dearest friend, only the worst fate comes to me! I lose, and you are near losing! And I should not have liked you to lose any least proof of my thinking of you, lest a worst loss should happen to me as a consequence, even worse than the loss of your letters;

....Your ever affectionate
Elizabeth browning

Dear JY,
Whose Mind doesn’t feel happy by seeing a personal mail or a card; I’m one among them (and hate forwards; even it is nice)…I’m remembering the first letter from my father and my brothers comment
(“Appa ikku snehamillengilum, His Pen inu Nalla Snehamaanu”.)

Dear Sunumon,
Ayacha letter kitti.Vivarangal arinjathil santhoshikkunnu. Friends okke enthu parayunu.Appachanum ammachiyum sugham aayirikkunnu alle. Pinne studies il kure koodi sradhikkanam. Cricketil mathram sradha ullathu nallathalla. Pappayudeyum Ammayudeyum buthimuttukoodi manasilaaki jeevikkanam. Ammayodu vazhakkundakkaruthu .kurachu anusaranayum daivabakthiyum ullathu nallathaanu.
E Friday njan Muscatinu pokum. Evide summer start cheythu..kadutha choodaanu..So climate changeinte kure arogya prashanagalum… This weekend Muscat palliyil pokunudu…Monum Sunday palliyil pokunudallo…Alle
Mattu visheshangal onnum thanne illa…Avashyangal ezhuthan marakkaruthu

Swantham Appa.

I still don’t know why my mother kept my father’s all letters under her sleeping bed (hobby?) (These Letters have an age of 25 years)…Recently (during my vacation) we have read all the mails loudly…It brought some big fun in the home (But reveals some light on 25 years history of my parent’s life) Their anxieties, worries, dreams, advises, Jokes, our misbehaviors…

My first letter was a universal Leave letter.
I am publishing my first Leave letter (teacher’s favorite letter). (Actually this letter (typical) was written by me and signed by my sister, on behalf of my mother)….

Class Teacher, STD VI-B,
Holy Angel’s EMHS Adoor.

As my Son was suffering from fever and headache, Please grand him a leave on 22/01/1994.

Adoor Yours Faithfully
23/01/1994 SD/-

Birthday cards/Farewell cards

Dear, I got a lot of Birthday cards, Christmas wishes in my childhoods from my uncle. I got wonder by seeing some personal cards which remind me that “they have a concern on me….” (This is an era of forwards n junk mails, Arkko vendi ayakkunu;)

I never thought it was a trap to put my DOB in the half wormed old JY Diary. On every Wednesday, Group was celebrating the birthdays. (On those Wednesdays, I was a good Mittayi kothiyan (Really I ‘m a fan of Lacto king); even I would take more than 10 ‘tiffanies’ at a time, naanam illalo parayaan; Athe)
On the birthday week, I never hesitated to go on Wednesdays to group. Looking for the time to receive my birthday card. In the background of the birthday music’s, jumped from the bench to collect (With some childish smile) from a girl. I opened it and ate the wish which was written; read it again…n again. I loved the group for this reason; Group always had a personal look on us.

Two rare ‘card’ Memories

Once Group forgot to celebrate Jimesh(2004) birthday…I don’t know how it felt for him, On that Birthday evening, When he was in my hostel room. JYians came to him and told the beautiful word in the dictionary to him…Had sung the birthday song for him….n gave one good book with title “Day today Saints”…

Once I had gone to Ekm for my company needs, In that night I went to Sebin’s Hostel for a bed space (He was in kalamassery at that time)JYian, Very nice fellow; even though he is short …friends was calling him as Tiger…We had a long talk on that night in the hostel terrace regarding my job, politics (Oppositions) ,….palathum…
B4 going to sleep he showed me a card from his Bible, which JY given for him on Farewell day. That Card was full of good praises about him. I felt he is keeping the card as a Certificate of Merit. “Subin, Look what our juniors wrote about me”

I have some good interest to do some creative cards, I tried some on papers, Its fate also seems like my singing…

Three people, beautiful card designers….
Sona Victor (That Christmas Cards, with santaclaus, 2001)
Reenu ‘n’ her elder Sister (2002 farewell cards),
Jeane Anne (Birthday cards)

Hey, I want to thank God for that beautiful soul who put the idea of celebrating Birthdays in groups. Sometimes that small, Rs.10 card shows your deep affection…Thank u so much 4 ur celebration on my Birthday!

Ennu Snehapoorvam

On everyone’s birthday, in hostel (fire house) there was a lot of funs were happened….
One is Egg Abishekam (How many times did I took bath, you know on that day.But still the rotten smell is there), Pillow beating(Mr.’Pahayan’ maarku ,Have no mercy), All funs cannot be wrriten down here… strictly censored
Birthday Blunder

On the last week of one September,I went to H&C bookstore ,palarivattom to select a birthday card. I busily took one by seeing the Heading “Birthday wishes”. I sent that card to Mrs.Deepti Jose. After getting, she called me…
Eda ninte card kittito…Atheyo… .
Thanks, Pinne athu Nee enikku thanne aano ayache…what happened, Oh onnum illa…

“Sweetness of wish alpam koodi poyo ennu …..”

Njan Chammi…!

Saturday,A good day

You often Say, “I would give, but only to the deserving”
The trees in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your pasture.
They may give that they may live, for to withhold is to perish...

Dear JY
During my school days, every day, except Saturday we used to ask to our Mother...”Innu Saturday alle...” Alla...Nasham. Only on Saturdays ,Amma had the time to teach us...So she woke up early and called us....Believe it or not, I used to wake up at 4:00 am on Saturdays... My Brother was a lazy Boy...He didn’t wake...When i was starting to study..He would tell”Balarama Vayikkathe Vannu Urangada”...( Really in my textbook there was no Balarama, Alla ee ‘Balarama’ ennu paranjaal Balaramante Sister aano!).Then Mother would come with a Jug of Black coffee...Then she would start to teach us...”1st person singular, 3rd person plural....I have...He has.... They
have.....”. A very boring Morning...So i told to her..”Amma njan kedannondu kelkkaaam”... Then i was slowly slipping to sleep...Then for one hour....”Ammaye kettipidichu oru urakkam” (How much secure I was , when i was covered by her caring hands...She knows there were eagles ,flying around over the top).. Then a Market sarkkeetu, On 8’0 clock a cricket Match, Then moving to the world of ‘Snake and Ladder’...Then one Town rounds at the evening..... Saturdays always had full of fun n life.....Yes Saturday, oru Nalla divasam.....
On that saturday, My time was so bad...You know , at ‘98’ a long snake was there....its tail ends in 11...Who didn’t feel bad....If three times moving down and playing from 11..never won a single game...Nalla Arisham undu....(Brotherine Adichittu... .’snake and ladder’ paper valichu keeri.... Odiyaalo ennu thonni...But He was a ‘Sumo Thadiyan...’. So cheriya oru fear,)
He was challenging for another play...I accepted...Again threw the Dice...Moved the buttons through the Numbers....( I don’t know the permutations and combinations at that time :otherwise I’ll try some Mathematics. ..)I heard a call from the verandha. “Ammaaa… Vallathum Tharane....”We never mind....Give one strange look and again went back to moving the buttons through the numerals....
(He was looking like a paralysed... walking like some drunkard or kanjaavu; black in colour, From the first sight itself we got a clear picture of the person...Didn’ t see water for last three months, Very pathetic look....Half dressed...and a ‘Mundu’ was tied with some rope...One hand was not moving...He hold the cloth with other hand, walking with the right leg which is always in front...His colour ‘n’ Mundinte colour were having some good match...Like a workshop mechanic.)
Mother gave some food to him...His eating gestures tell to us that “I didn’t have it for the last two weeks”.
We can hear the sound of serving food for him...”Kurachu Idly koodi tharatte...”He might move his head like a pendulum...We were still playing the ‘Pambum yeniyum’ I was at 97 ...I prayed not to get One while throwing Dice...When it was up...Mothers call came...”Da onnu Vanne”....But Kettilla ennu nadichu....
Dice karangi Onnil thanne veenu...I moved my blue button back to ‘11’.”Eda onnu varaanalle paranjathu.. ..”
“Enthuvaame.. .Kalikkanum Sammadhikkilla...” “Da, Bhikshakkarante Mundu Azhinju poyi...Onnu ketti kodukkada...”I looked through the front window...I was seeing his actual ‘roopam’ at that time. “Enikku Vallatha Arappu thonni...Some Bad smell too...”My Mother called me to do the favour (she was expecting from me...) I hesitated... But I was sympathetic on his inability... (Pinne Valiya karyam Aayi poyi…. Sympathy...? ) Suddenly my brother went near to him and tied his cloth....... He hold his hand and helped him to walk near to the Water tap... Cleaned his hands.... I got shocked...My eyes filled with tears...On that day I was very proud of him… Mother gave one old shirt to him...He was carried the shirt on his shoulder and tried to say something to my brother...and walked away like a ‘pizza tower’. Charinju... charinju...On that day I understood the exact difference of sympathy n compassion.. ..
On that afternoon we went to town to purchase some stationery.. ..On the way...we saw him again...Still the shirt was on his shoulder...walking on the burnt road with his bare feet....His eyes were locked on us....He strained much to give a smile of gratitude... .My brother smiled back... Njanum (Vallatha lejjayode).. ..From the paralysed cheek, we had seen a Smile...Smile of God!
(God, I know…Ninte ‘Picha’ anallo ente Jeevan)
Ennu Snehapoorvam
Da, I was very sorry to u.....You may remember our old PDC story...gave ur English Tuition fee and told..”Da, Nee Ammayodu paranjille “ Arun publicationinte “ Entrance Text book...Please purchase with this Money” It may help ur Entrance dreams...”Appol ninte English tuition ..”Njan Kayarunilla. ...” Among us, one is enough to take the notes.
I am remembering, Ottum ulippillathe I took the Rs.400 from you...Now, what I am is ur Sacrifice...
With love
Email to my brother....which I sent on the day,I got my first Job

(Subin, I got a call from him in the Midnight….He needs 150 Dirhams…He was telling, it is very urgent for me….Some how I arranged it within One day, since I know he is in Visit Visa…and still didn’t get a Job….May be it was needed for his survival…Later I came to know, It was not for him but for his friend…I can’t able to understand his mind…His concern….is touching
Njanum Orthu..He called me also to Dammam; several times on the same financial need…I was always ready for that…Alla, Avan ente Twin brother alle …Njan Ayachu koduthu….
“Innu Enikku Koritharikkunada; Onnum ninakku vendi allayirunallo. .!)
How much lap still I have to run to catch You,

Psalm 151

By the rivers of Babylon we sat and wept
When we remembered Zion..
There on the polars
We hung our harps......
Pslams 137

Psalms 151
(It is believing as Psalms of Mathai...Son of Geevarghese ,A Song of the Prodigal)
(1)My Lord, My God
You are Holy, Holy, Holy...
(2) I’ve awaken to sing thy praises with nightingales
I’ve awaken In this Midnight to see the beauty of Stars
And it is beautiful in my eyes...
(3)I’ve awaken in my Nights..Nights of my Life
To embrace the beauty of the Stars
Stars in my life...
(4)Lord,I’ve seen infinite number of suns, I start counting...
Thank you for the Nights in my life
To see the countless stars...
(5)Dear lord,But the Desert storms covered your face from my life
The sandy storms in my life suffocating me.
I can’t even take a Pure breath.
But Still i’m alive..
(6)I’m crying before you , A thanks giving Cry
A cry of unworthy, crying at the shores of Gulf..
Crying for the Life,
Lord i’m amazed by the immense life
(7)I got the faith from the Book of Life
I read the stories of Faithful Abraham to the Sacrifical Lamb.
(8)Thy words are the streams of my life and Grace
Lord,you told me”My presence will follow you”
Like a enshrouded cloud and a pillar of fire.
(9)But still I’m Unfaithful to you.
Lord ,I know You are near to me....
But I don’t know “Am I near to you”
Am I near to you”
(10)Lord have Mercy,I’m drowning, I’m drowning
I’m seeking one helping hand
I heard a voice....Lift up your eyes to the Holy mountain
Your help will be from there
(11)I am seeing a Man who is crying at the top
A Man of God...with a stretched hands
Crying loud...and is crying for Me..
(12)To restore the faith of Human race, To kindle the candle of hope
To build a abode to thy presence..and Love
(13)He revealed the weight of His pain...
I put my pain on the Balance..
I never cried again...I never cried again..
(14)My Lord and My GOD
You are Holy,Holy,Holy
Singing along with the nightingales
Singing along with the Angels
(15)You are HOLY...


M - O - T - H - E R 'M' is for the Million things she gave me,
'O' means Only that she's growing old,
'T' is for the Tears she shed to save me,
'H' is for her Heart of gold,
'E' is for her Eyes with love-light shining in them,
'R' means Right, and right she'll always be,

Dear JY

Amma Chithrangal
Hiding behind her Saari….

There was one ‘Bheekaran Johny’,like Beharin koshy in our native…In our childhoods we were afraid of him…Whenever he saw us na, ‘Kannurutti kanikkum’…we were too innocent to show our small eyes as big…All the time we ran towards the mother’s lap for a refuge…we would hide on the back of her Sari…

Mothers Treaty
We were always disobedient to our Amma…She was a little bit worried for that…Sometimes we would exchange sharp words with her…She used to cry at the end…Then our drama would happen…Me ,came near to her and hug and call “Mummichy”…How sweet you are!... “Nee Poda…Enikku ninte oru Aruthiyum kelkanda”..In that back ground my Brother was announcing’ “This years Best Actor awards goes to SubinLal and Best female supporting actress award goes to njangalude Ponn’Amma’….Adoor Gracy…”
She was starting to put a smile in the tears flowing cheeks...(Like sunrise in a rainy day; The marriage day of Crow and Fox)

Hospital Snap; Mothers Lie
In my early childhoods, I was very weak in health…Once in a week my mother had to take me in to Hospital, she always had a tough time with me. She was staying alone with me in the hospital bed for the whole night with a Rosary on his hand..I was sleeping by the side of her…she often touched on my head and chest and checking the temperature…On the Morning she would tell the lie too… “Njan Uranguvaayirunnu…”.I was always amazed ‘why she didn’t get any fever from me after a close care’ or otherwise she was hiding her pain;?

Snap of Hopeless Mother
If parents of any pupils had come to our class room, we were very happy..As you know,Teachers had more things to talk about the poor students. So during the classtimes we got time to play inside the class room. On that day also someone came to the door side of my classroom and called the Teacher.. We were very happy, But it didn’t last for long…the woman who was at the doorside was my Amma; As usual My teacher unfold all the hurting stories to Amma; …Still remembering the view from the back, While she was walking back through the Verandah of my High School…with a face of humiliation; humiliated by her beloved children

A helping hand…
As she wanted to go to school of 30Kms away, In the morning she was always very busy in the kitchen …She want to leave the home around 07:30 am. She wanted to arrange all for us and her….We also extend some small helps to her.May be silly to u but very cute to do…..
She was very lazy & careless in wrapping the Saree…so she needed us to adjust the edge of the saree so that the edge of the ‘pavada’ shall not see outside…

She had no time to select the matching Blouse (safety pins) for her cotton Saree…From the store, Sis usually took the one and gave to her…

While rushing to the front door, she would ask whether there was any (talc)powder on her face…Anyone of us had come and rub her face…

Athelete Amma
In Saturdays, we used to have a 100Mtrs race with our mother around our house…She had her batton (Virakukolli)… We were running with a big noise…No reason at all…We just throw the football to the white washed wall, or we threw some rock pieces on the tile roof…is it a reason to get an ‘Adi’

Anxious Snap

“Eda ithu vareyum avan Vanilallo”..She told to me…Avan parnajathu “He will reach by this evening…” Pinne Avan yevide poyi…Darkness became too thick…Owls and bats flying across the tree..she was getting tension,(he went to Coimabtore to get the Certificates) After some times we were hearing our mothers cry… “Ente Mone enthu pattiyo, Daivame…” .Enikku kalippu vannittu irikkan Vyaah….After sometimes…She started with beating her chest and cry… “Ente mone aaru pidichontu poyo..Avo”
Enikku kalippu koodikoodi vannu..“Ente Daivame, irikkaporuthi tharuthillalo” , We didn’t have his PH.No. to contact him directly. we got one friend’s number……At last somehow we contacted him….He was telling “Eda njan Computer game kalikkuvayirunnu…” Njan 2 cheetha paranju…Here people are eating FIRE, Annerama avante oru computer game… ‘Alla Avide vere onnum Undakkiyille…’Kurachu Fire enikku baaki…I cut the call…
Why her heart was burnt with fire…And why its not happened to us…Ariyillatto.

Mothers ‘Dirty’ habbit
We never like some habits of sometimes we had a fight with her…One reason to fight was this…
She used to eat the food which we left over the plate….She had two covering points for the ‘bad’ Manners
1)God hasn’t given to us any food to throw
2)Njan kanjivellvum cheeni nurukkum(Tapioca piecesum) kazhicha schoolil poyathu…Hmmmm


Whenever our father came for vacation, he was starting teaching mathematics…We had a shoeflower plant in our compound…He would break sticks from the plant..and started beating like anything…Amma karanjondu parayum… “Avanmaare engane ittu Kollanda ketto…Padikkan mandamaranengil ,valla krishi paniyum cheythu jeevicholum”. .

The pictures of our journeys with mother were very beautiful…We used to have some long journeys on weekends…to some churches…We were normally going not because of faith…We would get an opportunity to eat ‘Masala Dosha’ from the Hotel…

Praying Mother
Her Morning and Night prayers are very rich; In my memory, she never missed any…In the Morning she started with “Unaruga nee yen Athmaave…..”

Dream has come True
I got my first salary on one Saturday…I gave the small amount to my Mother’s hand…She was weeping…later became a cry…like a Woman, after fulfilling a life time dream.. A lot of meaning on that tears…

She has sacrificed her time, money, life, fun, everything, a woman has the right to have. But she abandoned the Joy for her children…Even then she is telling…. “Enikku ningalle sradhikkan kazhinjilallo” . Nengil vallatha oru Nombaram; When I heard the confession..

I’m blessed for having such a cute MOTHER with hundreds of pierced swords in her heart like Mother of God. and I know ,All Mothers having the Same Face…

Ennu Snehapoorvam

Recently on one fone conversation… I told to her “ Ammo, I am alone here, So…….There is a good chance to Lost… Aano“Are you remembering my Face”…Yes. ..."Then you never be…"

Buthijeevi Sookhthangal

Through violence you may murder a murderer, but you can't murder murder.Through violence you may murder a liar, but you can't establish truth.Through violence you may murder a hater, but you can't murder hate.Darkness cannot put out darkness. Only light can do that…

Dear JY,


People, I am remembering a black n white snap which gives a pathetic profile of a war …A small girl crying out and running along a Vietnam highways .This too is heart breaking,The picture of an Iraqi boy who lost his two hands on the aggression of U.S ..I don’t know the gravity of the pain…deep cut wounds
I have being lived in a most comfortable and secure place in the world. So how I do feel their Mind. From the sources of information, Still I never come to conclusion that whether WAR is a solution for Peace and harmony.?
People what is our view on the the aggression against the basic right of a human….ie to LIVE.

One Pulizter winning photograph…a vulture is raising her wings near to one poverty captured African boy…as a Prey; it revealed the pathetic face of Africa to survive…But still I never came to know the pain of not having food;MY Belly is full for 24x365…How I know the value of their single grain of food..People ,What is our concern on Poor! And poverty

What is My concept on Woman, on Nature, on Home, on family, On River,
My concept of all is just as a Commodity..And it is only for Me..(very Dangerous….)Recently I was searching for fruitful concepts which I’m possessing…. really I am in worried on my opinion and views on the things happening around….the globe

Why I am suffering to mould my views and opinion on very critical issues which whole globe is affecting..I came to know that…It is my lack of KNOWLEDGE which is based on Word of GOD.Even you look to our small state..what is our view on social justice and related issues..I never thought of such things still now,Since it is not affecting my comfort or peace,then why should I take care all Headaches..

Leave it, What is our concept on the latest political issue,Self financing colleges around my city. what is my church view on the same.Is it just as a Cow 4 my church!!I don’t know. You know,I never worried about the Gap between the Rich and the Poor.

We should Posses a little knowledge on all the international problems which are questioning the basic right of a Human being.Jesus Youth ,you have a special call..

Once my friend told me…Why you people are not protesting against War in our campus….or why u are not making some consciousness on the same issue…You don’t have any Anti War policies….?

(Mashe,Ah Myoora Hotelil kayari Oru kutti Puttum pazhavum kazhichaal; I’m satisfied)
My dear people, Silence of good people is a SIN

(John 8 verses)He appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered round him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus,” teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the law Moses commanded us to stone such woman, Now what do you say ?They were using this question as a trap,in order to have a basis for accusing him.. He was writing down some thing on the ground (Observations: 1) Writing down the sins of the Jews, who caught her.2) Writing the word ‘Compassion’ on the ground).He told “If any one of you is without sin,let him be the first to throw a stone at her”………..Women where are they.Has no one condemned you?

Then neither do I condemn you.

Sometimes I felt, Christ is the way Which we must see the world…I am believing the problem to all crisis on the earth,is of the crisis which we are facing to see the world I am lacking Compassion, I am lacking compassion…The Way which Christ used to see…Why My eyes didn’t fill with tears, when I heard a Girl Suicide b’cos of Financial troubles…Famine in compassion.Why my heart doesn’t feel sick when my friend got sick?..poor in compassion

Oh Lord, May my eyes shall be healed with your compassion and Love…


To bear the fruit of knowledge and Love which we are possessing is by the Efforts which we taking for .I believe prayer is Strength for those who are taking the efforts…People you know when He stretched his hand, It became Cross..When we Stretched our hands to hug one another, It too becomes Cross… Stretching out our hands is the Effort,and May Love allows us to stretch for others….

Paul too had the concern on Working Faith….Lord I know Effort is painful…(Hmm No pain No gain)….

(Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.)
Mark Twain

Knowledge + Love + Effort =Life…..

Ennu snehapoorvam

You know, one fourth of the knowledge you acquire from your parents
One fourth of the knowledge, you gather from Teachers
One fourth of the knowledge, you gather through experience
Last quarter of the knowledge, you know by your own

Elisabeth Sebastian
My ‘Microprocessor’ Proffesor

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world. Robert E. LeeConfederate General -In A Letter To His Wife