Appachante Kattil

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Dear JY

 Nervous, gluttony or Grief

(You might hear the story of an altar boy who blessed the priest during the Holy Mass. Name of the altar boy is not important, Let us call him, Denish,J)

   Since we were living near to a church, Most of our weekends were passed by helping the priest as a ‘half’ Altar Boys. It was really a tough task to help the priest in a Syrian Church. We didn’t know, when to close or open the ‘Madhbaha’ .Or Even we were reciting only half of the church liturgies during masses; next half was filled up by priest himself.

   On other Saturdays, Sisters from Daughters of Mary Convent were coming to visit houses .we were going with them to show the houses of church members. But some of our jealous friends had a doubt that we are going to drink Tea…I know you people don’t believe these ‘lies’.

   Some Saturdays ends with Funeral processions to church. On all funeral processions to church, we were the candle holders usually .On such a grief-stricken moments, we were walking in the front along with the Holy cross. Our faces would fall down either by the cries of near ones, or by the rhythmic music of church bells..But for One funeral procession I didn’t hold the candle....

Appachante kattil..

I felt wonder in my mind, when I thought of him. A Good Farmer and a hard worker. I never saw him taking rest in his lifetime,. He created an aura of holiness by his fatherhood. He was showing such a great enthusiasm in his life. That may be one of the good reasons to motivate to bring up his children. He kept high morals in life so that no one in that village had a bad word about him. He shared a good number of folk stories with us. I put a lot of jokes with him. ‘Like Mathaicha,Motta thalayaa’. He encouraged my all childish jokes .Most of the time I rested on his hip and slept with him in the night.

 In the early 90’s he became bed-ridden; It was a tough time for our family. Unfortunately he never recovered back to life. I still remember how hopefully he was facing the death. During those days, When one of our relatives asked him, “Appacha Do you have any advice to me”. He sang one old Christian song as a reply…“Aadhiyinkal kaipakilo Andhyamo Madhuramathre “.(Even though Beginning is Sour, But Ending is Sweet).At the age of 73 he departed peacefully to the heavenly abode. We know he is lying in the bosom of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. But it was a great loss to our family. His unseen presence is still there and compelling our family to do great things. That may be the reason, When our kids are jumping (playing) on his bed, Grandmother used to advise them, Don’t play on the cot, ithu Appachante kattila. As Eric Clapton sings, I too whisper in the last October and I believe the northern wind carried it away….

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
if I saw you in heaven?

Tears in Heaven

   It was my first experience of losing a beloved person. It taught me two things. Firstly ‘Presence’ of a human being is a talent. I just mean ‘How important a person in our lives is revealed or felt at the time when we lose them’ .Secondly Death is a Door; A Door to eternity. And its awareness keeps me good at the bad times. (Yesterday I was rough with them; Awareness of Death pulls me to less rough).

Ennu snehapoorvam

Subin 

 

Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there, I did not die.

(Mary Frye)